Do you feel trapped, or emotionally abused by your loved one? Do you feel isolated from family and friends, afraid to let anyone know what is happening?
In a situation like this, the worst thing you can do is to keep silent. It is not helping your loved one, your family, or yourself, to suffer in silence. AA has a saying, "You're as sick as your secrets," and it is so true. Don't keep the secret any longer. Find someone you can trust to confide in - be it a friend or other family members who may have noticed the problem and are concerned, your pastor or other clergyperson, or a professional counselor. You need emotional and spiritual support, and possibly even practical support, to deal with the situation properly.
Find a good support group in your area for those struggling with addictions and codependent relationships. AA, Al-Anon, Families Anonymous, CoDa, and Celebrate Recovery are all worth looking into; find the group that best meets your needs and attend on a regular basis. Learning ways to emotionally detach when your loved one is not sober, how to keep from being isolated from friends and family, how to recognize when you are being manipulated by your addicted loved one, and how to not let emotional abuse beat you down is important for your mental and emotional well-being. It is also important to recognize how your own behavior is enabling your loved one to continue in their addictive behavior.
Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. It is not a selfish thing to make sure your basic needs are being met. It is important to eat right, get proper exercise, get enough rest, and to be in the company of good friends and relatives who are in a clear, healthy mindset.
Trying to control things by yourself never worked. It is best to give the situation up to God, and let Him work in His way, in His time. And it may take a long time; come to terms with that fact. The "Serenity Prayer" is something that AA and Celebrate Recovery incorporate in their programs, and is helpful to meditate on:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."