What To Expect When An Addict Makes An Amends


The process in which a loved one would make amends is a delicate one, at best.  There are no proper words that could fit accurately enough to describe what it’s like when they are finally coming to you, willing to admit their wrongdoings, and ready to proclaim their plan of action to make them up to you.  As overwhelming as it may seem, amends can additionally be equally as relieving as long as you remember that certain factors like time can ease the hardship of the process.

What It Means To Make Amends


When your loved one approaches you requesting to set aside a time to discuss how they would like to make their amends to you, you may not even be aware of what the phrase exactly entails.  This may make you nervous or you can jump to the wrong conclusion that you will be blamed for the possible negative role that you played in the relationship between the two of you.  Try to relax your mind and let bygones be bygones.  Just take it as a conversation that will be had.  You don’t know how it will go just yet, so just focus on the fact that your loved one would like to talk.  Do not stress over it or try to prepare for it.  These types of talks should come naturally and both parties should be communicating effectively by listening to one another.


The best thing to do when your loved one is expressing how they have planned to make amends to you is to listen to them entirely.  They have probably thought carefully and concisely of what to say to you.  In considering the harm they have caused you, they most likely have defined harm as an infliction on the person (which in this case is you) that was physical, mental, emotional, and/or spiritual.  This kind of hurt built a burrier that has ultimately caused obstruction on the relationship between the two of you.  So when they clarify and take ownership over where they were at fault in the relationship, they put their part on the table to make the attempt to clean their side of the street.  They genuinely want to make the relationship that the two of you have right.  You may hear some shocking, even hurtful; actions that they took that affected you.  Don’t feel obligated to conceal how you genuinely feel, but do keep in mind that they are moving forward with their life trying to do what they can to right their wrongs.


Your feelings may be a bit raw afterward, to say the least.  If you feel you are in a good place to hold a conversation when your loved one is finished with what they had prepared to discuss with you and have any feedback that you are amp to divulge, and then just proceed providently.  Should there be any doubt in mind over your thoughts, then put them to a temporary halt and let the heavy matter have time to digest.  The reality of the situation is that if your loved one approached and went ahead with the process to make amends to you, then they are genuine in wanting an authenticity and clearer air among the relationship.  With this in mind, you may be able to focus on where the two of you are currently at in the relationship instead of where you were during the pitfall.  Hopefully this will help you look beyond the past.  In addition to this, maybe it will even make you consider the role that you played and where you were at fault in the relationship.  Ultimately, this is what will strengthen the relationship and put the two of you at peace with not just one another but with yourselves as well.

The process in which an addict will make amends is an important component to their recovery.  It’s where they own up to what they did and do their best to rectify the distress caused.  This is a huge change for a recovering addict.  If you or someone you know can’t foresee such a change because they are stuck in a life of misery abusing drugs and/or alcohol, call The Watershed for help today. Recovery is possible.

Making Amends: What You Need To Know

Read 4429 times Last modified on Tuesday, 09 September 2014 20:16
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