The language of letting go may be the most complex to truly understand at all, especially as it pertains to the relationship you may have with your loved one suffering from addiction. When it comes to recovering from the disease of addiction, there is an underlying sense of control that the addict and/or alcoholic may be all too familiar and comfortable with. Straying away from this comfortable sensation may be overwhelming and seem somewhat impossible. It may even be unbearable and the individual may not even be aware that they are latching onto such an unhealthy coping mechanism. When the alcohol and/or drugs are removed, controlling tendencies may be most noticeable as these distinct behaviors begin to consume their everyday life. So how exactly is it that you break away to help them through this insane tendency and let go so you can both function free from self-will?
Learning the Language of Letting Go
To truly understand the concept behind the language of letting go, you should understand why it is an issue for you and your loved one to be clutching onto people, places, and things, making them “your everything.” Trying to forecast outcomes according to your personal preference can easily direct both of you on a self-centered path where you wind up taking “hostages” instead of building authentic relationships. Your addicted loved one needs to face that they are powerless not just over alcohol and/or drugs but virtually over every area in their life. If they fail to see this, they wind up placing their sobriety in jeopardy because they put self-will in constant limbo by thinking that they can shape their life to however they please. There’s a matter of trust that they – and even you – have to hand over daily and by placing that trust, are ultimately kept from getting stuck in scheming to get reactions from others. When people are busy manipulating other people and plotting a life to go according to their plan, they should stop and ask how they are truly being of service to others. If they are focused on a life that is centered on themselves, is it truly geared toward the right path for their health? As it pertains to recovery, the process should be an altruistic, or selfless, program, and when the addict and/or alcoholic becomes focused on self-centered thinking and consumed with selfishness, they slip right back into the diseased mindset. Alcohol and/or drugs are but a symptom of the disease. The truth is that the disease of addiction and alcoholism is a disease of the mind that affects the alcoholic and addict mentally, physically, emotionally, and most importantly, spiritually.
When a person is displaying controlling behaviors of others, they may be saying specific statements in order to get a certain response. By doing this, they are attempting to control the conversation and spark the response that they want, but they have to realize that there is an actual human being on the other end and that ultimately they do not control what they say and think. Even if they do get the response that they had hoped, it isn’t genuine because they manipulated the situation and they should take a step back to consider how dishonest, selfish, and self-seeking the nature of the discussion was and how that impacts their relationship with the person now. This is why it is vital to learn the language of letting go, along with the practice of tools like pausing and meditating prior to taking action. If measures are taken impulsively or even just prematurely without proper consideration, they cannot be taken back and sometimes, although amends can repair harm done, they do not undo all damage of the catastrophic event unleashed.
Is your loved one continuing to display controlling behaviors and having a difficult time with understanding the language of letting go because they are entrapped in the spiral that addiction and/or alcoholism has on them? Contact The Watershed for help today so they can be free of this bondage and begin a life in recovery. It is possible.
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