An apology may normally be viewed as a positive action, but over apologizing is unhealthy and you should stop apologizing for everything. Although saying “I’m sorry” does remove feelings associated with guilt and can potentially mend broken relationships with others, these words can instead give off a lack of confidence and competence when used excessively.
When you apologize before making a statement, you engage in a figure of speech that condones self-criticism, according to Juliana Breines, who holds a Ph.D and is studying self-compassion. Instead of continuing to knock yourself down, stop apologizing and start saying what you mean with confidence. Here are prime examples of some types of statements you should stop apologizing about.
What you look like
Do you find yourself apologizing to others about what you look like? If you make comments like, “I’m sorry I look like a wreck today,” stop apologizing for your appearance. If the people you’re surrounding yourself with care or seem bothered by your appearance, you might want to consider changing the people you are choosing to associate with. You shouldn’t have to apologize for your appearance because that promotes shame in yourself. Be proud of your authentic self and love the way you were created to be.
Having time for yourself
You shouldn’t feel bad for needing time alone. Each person is allowed to set time aside for themselves. It’s not selfish to want to have time for yourself. Throughout the day and week, there are all types of pressures and challenges. If you want some time by yourself, you shouldn’t have to apologize to anyone or even provide an explanation.
It’s surprisingly common for people to apologize before asking a question, believing it to be “dumb” or feeling they should know the answer. Stop apologizing because no question is idiotic. Asking questions is great because if you don’t, then you may not be able to find out answers. Most people apologize before asking questions in an attempt to protect their pride because they may not want to show they are uncertain about a specific matter. People tend to dislike admitting when they need help and when there is information they need further explained to them. When they can stop apologizing and let go of their pride, they may find they can ask the questions they need to get the relevant and necessary information they need.
Not answering right away
Apologizing to others for not being able to answer e-mails, phone calls, or texts immediately is getting carried away. Most people should understand that life has a multitude of demands that individuals have to keep up with, so not being able to respond right away is bound to happen. Although you don’t have to apologize, it can be a good idea as a courtesy to let others know you will get back to them, so they are aware you aren’t avoiding them.
Someone else’s actions
Do you find yourself apologizing to the other person when someone else has bumped into you? This is another common scenario that resins with many individuals because a characteristic of many is that they like to smooth feelings over so there are no negative issues. The main problem with apologizing for someone else’s actions is that you let others walk over you. A better solution to these types of encounters would be shifting the response from “I’m sorry” to “Excuse me,” so that you as the individual who was bumped into isn’t apologizing for another person’s behavior, even if it was by accident.
Issues that aren’t your fault
When others divulge their frustrations in life and your response is “I’m sorry,” it may not be the most effective way to react because you’re not at fault. A more appropriate response would be “I’m sorry about that” or “That must be really difficult.”
It’s important to see how you carry yourself through the words you speak. If you are constantly apologizing before you make statements, you end up expressing a lack of competence and low sense of self-worth. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. Nobody is perfect, so you shouldn’t set the standards so high for yourself that they are impossible to achieve.